Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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