ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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