I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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