I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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