Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
