o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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