Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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