so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
