Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
