When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
