just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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