I wanna bring you to show and tell
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
