this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
