Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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