How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
