Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
