Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
