OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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