Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
