What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
