I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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