from now on my penis is your penis
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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