Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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