I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
