Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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