i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
