we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm always down for nudity.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
