stop calling my apartment porn island.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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