apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
