nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
