He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
