Where is the hickey?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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