I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
