If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Come on in and take your pants off
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