Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it hurts more in the daytime
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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