Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
