She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
