the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
