halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
