you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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