It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
