i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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