It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
