Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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