Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
