I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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