She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
