Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
