so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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