none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
