so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
