I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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